Today  is  19 sept 2011. i was quiet happy today when i  woke up .Asusual  my BF came to pick me up,was quiet happy that i wore suit which i rearly wear.  sat on bike which is quiet difficult for me to sit  on  bike when i wear suit. on the way few thought came to my mind. will talk about it  later.

Things happed  that my thoughts converted into a  some  disugusted feeling.i was about to write  a happy  bolg but here what I m wrting what I m feeling.

 my life has becoz a mess or may  be i have converted it into.

 but what i know is ,no body does it knowingly. same way  it happed with me too. i had only 1 rule since beinging  that my mom dad told me,not to  hurt any body. and keep every body happy. and i guess that what i was  gud at. but now,every body around me in pain,hurt and frustated becoz  of me. my mom, my friends, my bro, my x, my BF,every body, just becoz me.this time i want to   do what i feel like that is what troubling.  may be  before also i was doing the same but now what new i m doing that every body is in pain.  i m confuse.

 i have heard 2 quote.

1)      if on your way many problms  comes  it mean u are on right path.

2)      and 2nd if u  feel pepole are in pain that means u are on wrong path. these both are very opposite line. but dont kw which one to follow.

 i  am mean this time and  going accoring to what i feel and whatever  suits me. how come these feeling came to me. it’s the  incident which is happening  to me.

 again the same story of love. And  i have got the  few turns same as happens in anybodys life.

 i had an affair. in beging  few mistake of my x, i had enough. and i had decided to move on in my life . and I met a new guy . becoz i wanted to get over the tension which was having with my past relation. i  was looking for someone  (to be honest i was looking for a gud friend so that he/she could help  me to  move on.) and i met a guy in same office. i sarted every thing  ,this new  guy was a shy person. and very genuine. i started talking to him. i strated having gud time  which i was missing big time. and   he cared about me alot. i knew since beginning that a girl only need care. if any body in whole world shows care , that is all what a girl searches. and I have got from this new boy. i had very gud and  bad  experience in life. so used my brain too while taking decizions  this time . I only  checked heart this time. And this new boy was  king at heart. And an awsome person to be with and i decided to be with the new guy.

                                       we were moving. my x and this new boy we were in the same office. my x BF knew i had mioved on. but  just not to hurt him i had told him that  i m seeing a boy who is sleected  by  my parents. and  he sort of accepted.

and 1 day my x  checked my cell who sits next to me  and got  to know that i m dating some 1. he knew already but he never belived me . but that day  he  was in shcoked. and  i  just could not see him in that  pain. I knew how it feels .i was making him understand and convincing him that he is the same boy which was selected  by my parents.

Things moved on. but n b/w my x  realize that he loves me,”THE LOVE “  for me  which he never felt for me  in last 1 ,A whole  year. he strated feeling for me. i dont kw what was going on. but I was comttined to this new boy. who was very  inocent ,who loved me  die heartedly. thing turned in bad shape. still i was hoping  they will turn in gud way again.

 my x wanted me back in his life and I was comited to new boy. and  things were so serious between  me and new boy that we had talk with our  parents. and i convince mom. she was ready  beocz  new boy was so caring  that she got convince that this new body is  the only 1 who could kep me haapy after knowing  my past. and i was in love with new boys with full dedication.   thins are still moving  with these two boys. day today fight. this way i m getting irritated and  just want to run from all these thing but what about the commitment which i  had made to this new boy.

i cant hurt him who has no fault. me ,my x they did smthing  we were the only reason we broke up.  i m iritaed today but this new boy has no fault.why he is suffreing.  today the wired things are coming in my mind bcoz the both knew every thing about each other. but today was the first day when they came in front of each other. and  they both were so angry, but some how they manged themselves.

 my x came out of that place and  new boy with whom was sitting with. kept him self calm. although i could read his face that he is choked. but he didnt  show me. i came back to my seat. i wanted to keep my x calm but he was so furious that he was shouting on me.  may be  he wanted to slap me. same time my phone rang ,it was the new boy who was asking to keep me calm. and some how  i was not able too.

 i have a small family in my office . my bro. with whom i had shared evry thing. he is  also  not with me. I jst wanted  to  make my ,mood fine. I pinged  him to tell  me that i love him and I miss his care.

 i got the reply "you are wasting the time". i was already choked and then  my ayes were wet , i manged somehow  not to shed tears. then i  thought of writing for me. stll i have  lots of things hidden in me. which i really need to take out. but i cant. Whatever    happend with me. cant share . i m helpess .i keep on smiling all the time.  i talk any  thing , but the moment i share anyhting with any 1 i feel more  heavy i dont know whne the things gone be fine. i hope  beofre the time evrything gona be fine. i wrote whole of this page.

 but 1 things which was not going out of my mind was, my bro  replyed for my love u."your are wasting time".